esnafski.132canny,
> Pentium POOR
>
> CPU AMD 100MHz
> Mother board Intel Triton VX, Pipeline Cache
> RAM 8 Mb EDO
> Hard Disk 1,1 Gb
> Video card S3 Trio 64V+ (MPEG)
> Mouse Genius
> Tower mini
> Keyboard Chickony
> Monitor Color 14" NI
> Floppy 3,5"
>
> Software installed:
> Windows 95 & Plus!
> Internet ready! (Microsoft Internet explorer & Netscape Gold)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A gde ti je modem, care!?
esnafski.134apostol,
Pita Sound Blaster mrežnu karticu NE 2000:
"Jel me voliš?"
"Volim te..."
"Pa jel mogu da pošaljem MIDI output i semplove u tvoj slot?"
"Nemoj sad, imam IRQ konflikt."
(adaptacija)
JoTzoqA
esnafski.135endi,
Ako budem ucio kad se vratis,molim te probudi me.
Student
esnafski.136canny,
Sezam net ima trenutno oko 6000 korisnika i planira povezivanje na
Internet za koji dan. Takođe, uskoro dobija još 15 nodova, kupuje
modeme 33.600...
esnafski.138canny,
mENJAM DVA FABRICKA cd-A "cAPTAIN qUAZAR" I "rAYMAN" ZA DOBRU
AVANTURU (tITANIC, tOOSTRUCK, lEISURE sUIT lAry, aLIEN tRILOGY,
dIE hARD tRILOGY, hARVESTER, sYNdICATE wARS, tOYSTORY,...ITD.)
zA NEKE UZ DOPLATU...
hITNO!
cAPS lOCK MU JE BLOKIRAT :-)
esnafski.140milosh.zorica,
bil gejtsu posle prve bračne noći njegova mlada žena kaže
sad mi je jasno zašto se tvoja kompanija zove microsoft
esnafski.141nenad,
Ako ste ponekad poželeli da se bavite programiranjem operativnih
sistema, ovo će vam ubiti tu želju. Evo sa kakvim sve problemima
moraju da se bore ljudi zaduženi za ispravljanje bagova i
pravljenje raznih Service i Fix Pak-ova. Sledi isečak iz jednog
"opisa problema" za OS/2 Warp 4 (DBCS znači Double Byte Character
Set - koristi se za japanski i ostale kineske jezike):
ABSTRACT
E.EXE'S SCROLL IS INCORRECT DURING USE THE FEP.
ERROR DESCRIPTION
The customer edit the big file by the E.EXE and input DBCS CHR
(Push the HENKAN key, but do not push the KAKUTEI key). This
time, they wanted to move the page. So use the scroll bar by the
mouse, but the page could not move. This problem did not occurr
by the EPM.EXE. Also this problem occurr OS/2 J3.0.
esnafski.142guta,
"...In the next chapter, you'll look at the simple 'Hello, world!' program,
built with the MFC library classes, that requires only 93 lines of code..."
;)
Iz jedne knjige o Microsoft Foundation Classes, Microsoft Press
esnafski.143guta,
Iz rezimea korisnika van.gog
-----------------------------
In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.
On the first day, He toggled the 0 to 1, and the
Universe was. (Inthose days, bootstrap loaders were simple, and
"active low" signals didn't yet exist.)
On the second day, God's boss wanted a demo, and tried to read the
bit. This being volatile memory, the bit reverted to a 0. And the
universe wasn't. God learned the importance of backups and memory
refresh, and spent the rest of the day (and his first all-nighter )
reinstalling the universe.
On the third day, the bit cried "Oh, Lord! If you exist, give me a
sign!" And God created rev 2.0 of the bit, even better than the
original prototype.
Those in Universe Marketing immediately realized
that "new and improved" wouldn't do justice to such a grand and
glorious creation. And so it was dubbed the Most Significant Bit.
Many bits followed, but only one was so honored. On the fourth day,
God created a simple ALU with 'add' and 'logical>|shift'
instructions.
And the original bit discovered that -- by performing a single shift
instruction -- it could become the Most Significant Bit.
And God realized the importance of computer security.
On the fifth day, God created the first mid-life
kicker, rev 2.0 of the ALU, with wonderful features, and said "Screw
that add and shift stuff. Go forth and multiply." And God saw that
it was good.
On the sixth day, God got a bit overconfident, and invented
pipelines, register hazards, optimizing compilers, crosstalk,
restartable instructions, microinterrupts, race conditions, and
propagation delays. Historians have used this to convincingly argue
that the sixth day must have been a Monday.
On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced Windows into
the Universe, and it hasn't worked right since.
Live long and prosper, my friend !
esnafski.144obren,
Jedno objašnjenje razlike između poziva DosEnterCritSec() i upotrebe
mutual exclusion semafora (mutex) :)
"Recimo da se nalaziš u kancelariji i ide ti se u WC, ali ne želiš da iko
drugi upadne dok si tamo. Zato ideš od kolege do kolege i svakom govoriš da
obustavi sve svoje aktivnosti i stane nepomično bi bio siguran da neće ući
u toalet dok si ti tamo. Nakon što završiš, obiđeš ponovo svakog kolegu i
kažeš mu da može da nastavi svoj posao.
E Mutex semafor je kao da si ušao u toalet i zaključao vrata."
(Preuzeto sa bbs.os2bbs.com)
esnafski.146nenad,
Ovo morate da vidite. ;)
Ugledni američki časopis InfoWorld svake godine organizuje izbor
za proizvode godine u raznim kategorijama. Pošto je i ove godine
pobedio OS/2 u tom izboru, u časopisu su zaključili da to nije
realno i da korisnici OS/2 mnogo više učestvuju u glasanju od
ostalih korisnika pa su ovogodišnji izbor poništili.
Ono što je zabavno u celoj priči i što se nas tiče je to kako je
taj događaj prokomentarisan na OS/2 SuperSite-u:
>> InfoWorld annulls the results of their Readers Choice awards
>> after OS/2 wins 4 times in a row. Hey anyone remember Slobodan
>> Milosevic?
;)
esnafski.147djino,
-> #146, nenad+| >> InfoWorld annulls the results of their Readers Choice awards
+| >> after OS/2 wins 4 times in a row. Hey anyone remember Slobodan
+| >> Milosevic?
+|
+| ;)
Ne mogu da verujem..
Bruka i za nas, a bogami i za OS/2.. č)
Počeću da sumnjam u koaliciju Zajedno.. ;)
esnafski.148kum.djole,
Helou helo helou ;)
Ja nisam bio tu kad ste pisali istoriju, ali meni su neki pričali
dogodovštine sa filozofskog fakulteta, grupa Istorija, pa.. ;)
Izlaze na ispit tri studenta.
Prvi ima jaku vezu, drugi srednju, treći nikakvu.
Uđe prvi.
- Kolega, gde je bačena atomska bomba u WW2 ?
- Paa.. bačena je na Hirošimu, u Japanu..
- Braaaaaaaaaaaavo, kolega, evo vam 10 !!!
Uđe drugi.
- Kolega, gde je bačena atomska bomba u WW2 ?
- Paaa.. bačena je na Hirošimu.
- A koliko je bilo žrtava ?
- Pa, oko 500.000 ...
- Bravo kolega, evo vam 9 ..
Uđe treći.
- Kolega, gde je bačena atomska bomba u WW2 ?
- Pa, bačena je na Hirošimu..
- A koliko je bilo žrtava ?
- Pa oko 500.000 ...
- IMENA, KOLEGA.. IMENA!
Tolicko od mene.
Ja sam u januaru i bio na straži i pištao s vama na Trgu.
Ima me svuda, jer imam .... ;)
esnafski.149sjocic,
-> #148, kum.djole-> Ja sam u januaru i bio na straži i pištao s vama na Trgu.
-> Ima me svuda, jer imam .... ;)
Axa, kakav je caj, kad mu se doda malo one 'vojnicke' hemikalije ? ;>
esnafski.150pifat,
From: w2ilp@juno.com (Robert I. Wexelbaum)
There once was a computer owner,
Who used gunpowder instead of toner,
When he down-loaded,
His printer exploded,
And his mouse pad flew to Pomona!
There once was a technician chap,
Who forgot to use a ground strap,
His driver card blew,
Along with the CPU,
And his sound blaster card uttered -Zap!
A computer programmer named Mable,
Had her keyboard fall off of the table,
She couldn't DELETE,
So she kicked with her feet,
And busted an interface cable!
An ex Heaven's Gate cultist cried,
But believing her friends hadn't died,
She made hams beam e-mail,
Up to Hale-Bopp's tail,
So far - No one has ever replied!
A fellow from West Pennsylvania,
Got hooked on this new e-mail mania,
He subscribed to providers,
And joined insiders,
In the Pyramid Club of Albania!
esnafski.151pifat,
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail
list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light
bulbs and how the light bulb could have been
changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about
the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness
to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and
to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar,
alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing
light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we
are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts
**are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light
bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs,
what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of
different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and
to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that
are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs
relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all headers and footers, and then
add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing
because they cannot handle the light bulb
controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion
was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
esnafski.153nenad,
Press Release Template
(c) Now And For The Foreseeable Future by Microsoft Corp.
MICROSOFT ANNOUNCES [insert new M$ application name]
REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In an effort to [insert M$'s lame
idea about what users need], Microsoft announced today that
[insert M$'s lame answer to lame idea].
"[Dumb quote from a M$ employee about how users will
`benefit' from this new M$ application]" said a Microsoft
spokesperson who requested to remain anonymous.
Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision, calling
it "bold and innovative!" "This new [insert new M$
application name] will free Windows users from [some bug or
missing feature which is M$'s fault in the first place]. It
also gives Windows a new feeling of [ something that would
make anyone using any other OS fall asleep]", said a member
of Ziff-Davis Publishing's Editorial Staff. "This is
precisely why [insert competing software application's name]
is failing in the marketplace -- they have failed to deliver
a [enter quality that only a Business Major turned computer
journalist could dream up]."
When asked when [insert new M$ application name] would be
available, a Microsoft spokesperson said "[insert convoluted
quote that convinces the user that the application will be
released soon or even yesterday, but doesn't commit to any
specific date]" The spokesperson also added, "It really
doesn't matter since [insert new M$ application name] is
destined to be the most [insert glorified praise for
non-existent application and be sure to mention how it will
be `powerful' and `dominate' the world software market]."
Market and industry analysts quickly agreed adding that
"[insert new M$ application name] has already revolutionized
the industry."
A spokesperson from [insert competing software vendor's
name] disagreed however. "Microsoft is still trying to sell
products that don't exist. [insert competing software
vendor's name] has been shipping [insert competing product
that is unheard of thanks to mass sucking of Bill The
Gates's genitals by the public (and Joan L. Brewer)] since
[insert date from pre-history (see Jurassic Park for
examples)]. [insert new M$ application name] or whatever
it's called, still relies on DOS's [insert stupid part of
stupid DOS operating system] and is not a true [insert
latest computer jive for "modern"]." He added that "users
who think that [insert new M$ application name] will have no
problems will be in for a surprise."
Most users seem to remain unconvinced however. "[insert new
M$ application name] will [insert a nonsense list of things
anyone using any other OS has been using since the ENIAC]
and it won't have any bugs or compatibility problems because
it's from Microsoft. Why should I buy [insert competing
software application's name] which is less than perfect when
[insert new M$ application name] is right around the
corner?"
esnafski.154nenad,
Ovo se zaista desilo, neko je u Microsoft-u sebi malo suviše dao
oduška: :))
>> A recent press release on Visual Basic 5.0 includes a list of
>> books related to the programming tool upgrade. The author of the
>> last book is listed as "Buck Forland." The Borland slur has
>> lingered around the Redmond campus for years, at one time
>> appearing on the door of Microsoft's languages lab. The spin
>> doctors at Microsoft's PR handlers, Waggener Edstrom, declined to
>> tell how the bogus name made it into a press release, instead
>> shrugging the whole thing off as a mistake.
esnafski.155nenad,
If Micro$oft made movies:
1. You wouldn't be able to eat popcorn, drink a coke and watch
the movie at the same time.
2. If the popper was popping corn, and they were selling a
candy bar, the movie would pause.
3. They would announce that the next versions of the movie
would enable color blind people to watch in color, and the
deaf to hear it.
4. The film would break every 15 minutes and in the most
important parts.
5. They would announce new breakthroughs in movie
technology--color and sound--forgetting that most other
movies have had these for years.
6. The projector would claim to take 32mm in film size, but in
reality it would only show 16mm magnified to make it look
like 32mm.
7. They would claim to have invented comedies.
8. Every movie would look pretty, but actually have mishmash
holding it together, and contain no plot. Ooops! Sorry,
that's from the "What if Hollywood Made Movies" list.
9. They would promise you an action/adventure flick starring
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sandra Bullock, but it would be 3
years late and end up being a sappy love story with Jim
Carey and Madonna.
10. Their projectors must have reset buttons, requiring you to
start the movie over and over to have any hope of seeing the
entire film.
11. "640 seconds? Whose gonna watch a movie longer than that??"
12. They'd release movies of all Shakespeare's plays but claim
they'd written them.
13. You'd have to see three subsequent releases of the movie in
order to see the movie that was advertised.
14. The size of the projector required to run each new movie
would double in size.
15. You'd have to pay extra for those sticky floors and you
wouldn't have the option of sitting in a non-sticky area.
16. Every product at the concession stand would have Micro$oft
stamped all over it.
17. Bill Gate$ would win Best Actor of the Year every year, and
he wouldn't even have to be in the films.
18. You'd swear you'd seen this movie before, but now it says
Micro$oft so it must be new.
esnafski.156nenad,
If Micro$oft made cars
1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until
after that year instead of before it.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you'd have
to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd
have to restart it. For some strange reason you'd accept
this.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time unless
you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT, but then you'd have to buy
more seats.
5. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be
replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
6. People would get excited about the "new" features in
Micro$oft cars, forgetting completely that they had been
available in others for years.
7. We'd all have to switch to Micro$oft gas.
8. The U.S. Government would get getting subsidies from an
automaker instead of giving them.
9. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
10. Brakes would only be available as an upgrade and would cost
significantly more.
11. Headlights and windshield wipers could not be used at the
same time.
12. Closing the door would not stop that annoying dinging that
lets you know the door is open.
13. Seatbelts? Those will be in the next version of the car.
esnafski.157pifat,
"Good morning doctors, I have taken the liberty of removing Windows
95 from my hard drive."
"2001: A Space Odyssey" creator Arthur C. Clarke, imagining the first
words of hif fictional psychotic computer, Hal.
esnafski.158guta,
Iz malih.oglasa:
#> KUPUJEM NEISPRAVNE PC KONFIGURACIJE I KOMű¸│ÍÜű╗čPűOűNűENÚ]TEű■˛ű
Drugi oglas:
#> Radi na principu pojacanja svetlosti. Vidljivost oko 300m u
#> potpunom mraku.
;)
esnafski.159pifat,
> How do you get off this list? I have tried the majordomo and I still
> get mail even though it says I'm not on the list.
This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully before
beginning.
tools needed: one Hammer, one screwdriver, one pair of pliers, one heavy-duty
pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of sani-wipes.
Step #1: Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your Internet
Service Provider (GOD).
Step #2: If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this
list, you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a machine usually
located in a locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will deliver
a box of diskettes with that day's mail messages, including yours from this
list, to this machine. Typically, only a handful of people have keys to the
"mailhost". The reason why this machine is locked up is because this is
typically the best, fastest, most powerful computer at your facility and the
people with keys don't want to share it. If you must, break or pry the door
down with one (1) hammer (you did get all the tools needed?).
Step #3: Find the ON/OFF switch for this machine. Using the pliers, set the
switch to the OFF position by tugging downwards until the disposable plastic
switch breaks away from the computer casing. Discard the disposable plastic
switch in an environmental-friendly manner. This will alert the mailman to
not deliver the diskettes with the messages to the "mailhost" not unlike the
little red flag found on mailboxes. This should resolve your mail problem
immediately.
Step #4: You may experience a recurrence of mail within 72 hours. If this
should happen, you will need to disable the "mailhost" once again with more
forceful measures. Repeat Step #2. Don't be suprised if there is a sturdier
door in place than the one you destroyed previously. This is due to the fact
that the "Have Key" clique found out that someone has seen their private
stash of computer equipment.
Step #5: After you have once again regained entry into the "mailhost" room,
open up the back of the "mailhost". There may be a large tv-like device on
top of the "mailhost" You will need to remove this first. Take your wire
cutters, and cut any cables binding the tv-like device to the "mailhost".
Set the tv-like device to the side. With your screwdriver, remove each and
every screw that you can find on the "mailhost". Once this is done, the
"mailhost" should break away into two or more pieces.
Step #5: Find a large box with a fan attached to it. It will be clearly
marked with the following labels: "Danger" "High Voltage" "Do not open - no
user-servicable parts". Don't worry, these labels are merely in place to
satisfy OSHA requirements and you are not in any danger at all. Take the
bucket of saline water and pour it into any vents or ports that the large box
may have. Any extra water should be poured directly into the computer
chassis, be sure to properly soak each and every component.
Step #6: In the event of fire (OSHA has been known to be right on occassion),
douse any flames with the sani-wipes.
This solution is provided without warranty. It is not bio-degradable or
fat-free. In the event of sudden death, contact a physician immediately.
esnafski.160slaki,
Ovo dobih nedavno. Izvinjavam se ako je već bilo.
ALL I KNOW ABOUT COMPUTERS I LEARNED FROM MY MOM
For years I badgered my mother with questions about whether Santa Claus
is a real person or not. Her answer was always "Well, you asked for the
presents and they came, didn't they?" I finally understood the full
meaning of her reply when I heard the definition of a virtual device:
"A software or hardware entity which responds to commands in a manner
indistinguishable from the real device." Mother was telling me that Santa
Claus is a virtual person (simulated by loving parents) who responds to
requests from children in a manner indistinguishable from the real
saint.
Mother also taught the IF ... THEN ... ELSE structure: "If it's snowing,
then put your boots on before you go to school; otherwise just wear your
shoes."
Mother explained the difference between batch and transaction
processing:
"We'll wash the white clothes when we get enough of them to make a load,
but we'll wash these socks out right now by hand because you'll need
them this afternoon."
Mother taught me about linked lists. Once, for a birthday party, she
laid out a treasure hunt of ten hidden clues, with each clue telling
where to find the next one, and the last one leading to the treasure.
She then gave us the first clue.
Mother understood about parity errors. When she counted socks after
doing the laundry, she expected to find an even number and groaned when
only one sock of a pair emerged from the washing machine. Later she
applied the principles of redundancy engineering to this problem by
buying our socks three identical pairs at a time. This greatly increased
the odds of being able to come up with at least one matching pair.
Mother had all of us children write to grandmother, then mailed in a
single
envelope with a single stamp. This was obviously an instance of blocking
records in order to save money by reducing the number of physical I/O
operations.
Mother used flags to help her manage the housework. Whenever she turned
on the stove, she put a potholder on top of her purse to remind
herself to turn it off again before leaving the house.
Mother knew about devices which raise an interrupt signal to be serviced
when they have completed any operation. She had a whistling teakettle.
Mother understood about LIFO ordering. In my lunch bag she put the
dessert on the bottom, the sandwich in the middle, and the napkin on top
so that things would come out in the right order at lunchtime.
There is an old story that God knew He couldn't be physically present
everywhere at once, to show His love for His people, and so He created
mothers. That is the difference between centralized and distributed
processing. As any kid who's ever misbehaved at a neighbours house finds
out, all the mothers in the neighborhood talk to each other. That's a
local area network of distributed processors that can't be beat.
esnafski.161zlaya,
-> #160, slaki Evo i crpcki :)))
SVE ŠTO ZNAM O KOMPJUTERIMA NAUČIO SAM OD MOJE MAME
Godinama sam dosađivao mojoj majci sa pitanjima da li je Deda Mraz stvarna
osoba ili nije. Njen odgovor je uvek bio "Pa, ti uvek tražiš poklone i oni
stignu, zar ne?" Napokon sam shvatio puno značenje njenog odgovora kada sam
čuo definiciju viruelne jedinice: "Softversko ili hardversko telo koje
odgovara na komande na način kao i prava jedinica." Majka mi je govorila da je
Deda Mraz virtuelna osoba (simulirana od strane voljenih roditelja) koja
odgovara na dečje zahteve na način isti kao i pravi svetac.
Majka mi je talođe pričala i o IF ... THEN ... ELSE strukturi: "Ukoliko
pada sneg, obuj čizme pre nego što kreneš u školu; u suprotnom obuj cipele."
Mama mi je objasnila razliku između Batch i Transaction procesiranja:
"Praćemo belo rublje kada ga se dovoljno skupi za mašinu, ali ćemo ove čarape
odmah oprati na ruke zato štp ti trebaju za ovo popodne."
Mama mi je uakzala na linkovane liste. Jednom, za rođendansku proslavu
organizovala je lov na blago sa 10 skrivenih predmeta od kojih svaki ukazuje
na to gde se nalazi sledeći, a poslednji te upućuje na blago.
Onda nam je dala prvi predmet.
Mama razume greške pariteta. Kada broji čarape posle pranja u mašini
očekuje paran broj čarapa, i odmah reaguje kad izađe samo jedna od para
čarapa. Kasnije je primenila princip redundantnog inžinjeringa na ovaj problem
kupujući istovremeno po tri para istih čarapa. Ovo je prilično povećalo broj
situacija kad je bila u stanju da izađe sa najmanje jednim kompletnim parom
čarapa.
Mama je tražila od nas dece da pišemo baki, i da onda to sve pošaljemo u
jednoj koverti, sa jednom markicom. Ovo je očigledno bilo u vezi sa pakovanjem
zapisa u blokove iz razloga uštede novca putem smanjenja brija fizičkih IO
operacija.
Mama je koristila Flegove da joj pomognu oko izvođenja kućnih poslova. Kad
god bi se okrenula šporetu, stavila bi poklopac na svoju tašnu, da bi
podsetila samu sebe da isključi šporet pre nego što izađe van kuće.
Majka je znala o jedinicama koje aktiviraju interrupt signal za
servisiranje kadgod završe neku operciju. Imala je ekspres lonac.
Mama je razumela sve oko LIFO (Last In First Out) redosleda. U moju
torbicu za užinu stavljala bi dezert na dno, sendvič u sredinu i salvetu
odozgo, tako da se stvari mogu izvaditi pravilnim redosledom za vreme obroka.
Postoji stara priča kako je Bog znao da nemože biti svugde prisutan
istovremeno, da bi pokazivao svoju ljubav svojim ljudima, pa je stvorio majke.
To je razlika između centralnog i distribuiranog procesiranja. Kako bilo koje
dete koje se u susedstvu loše ponaša, sve majke iz komšiluka to ispričaju
jedna drugoj. To je lokalna mreža distribuiranof procesiranja koja nemože biti
nadmašena.
esnafski.162petarg,
Ovaj je stari, ali...
Činjenica : u autobus može da stane n ljudi.
U svetu to znači da u autobus može da stane i n+1,
a u Beogradu n!.
JG
esnafski.163guta,
Moj favorit je broj 7 ;)
Hacker Quotient (HQ) Quiz
Ready to test your HQ? The terms below are derived from THE NEW HACKER'S
DICTIONARY, a humorous collection of hacker slang, acronyms, usage and
stories, compiled by Eric S. Raymond. Secure your pocket protector, have
a slug of Jolt and let's get started.
Ready to give up? Click here to go straight to the answers.
Pick the correct meaning from the binary choices below.
1. Foo
0. Commonly associated with egg and yung, part of a balanced Chinese dinner.
1. A common dummy variable name, sometimes used along with bar and baz
2. Plotka
0. A tasty Spam-filled Eastern European gastronomic threat
1. 'Press Lots of Keys to Abort'; used when a program locks up in a (usually
futile) attempt to get a response to a program
3. Camel Book
0. Joe Camel comic book distributed nationwide to second-graders, preparing
them for a lifetime of happy smoking.
1. The recognized definite reference on the Perl programming language,
PROGRAMMING PERL, by Larry Wall and Randal L. Schwartz, O'Reilly
Associates, ISBN 0937175641.
4. Angry Fruit Salad
0. A dessert that takes its revenge on one's gastrointestinal system.
1. A bad visual-interface design that uses too many colors and is
uncomfortable for long-term use.
5. Bang
0. Emblazonment on flag fired from gun, usually in cartoons.
1. Common spoken name of the exclamation point (!), especially when
describing a Unix-system file path.
6. BRS
0. Byte Racing Stripes, implemented in high-level programming languages
to aide faster throughput times.
1. Big Red Switch, named after the type of on/off switch found on many
IBM computers.
7. MicroDroid
0. The smaller versions of R2D2 and C3PO found in some Star Wars action sets
1. A Microsoft employee
8. Magic Smoke
0. Substance used by some hackers to gain insights into seemingly
impossible programming tasks.
1. The running power inside computer chips; when the magic smoke is
released (i.e., when your computer releases a puff of smoke), the chips
have lost their magical computer power (i.e., have burnt to a crisp).
9. Dumpster Diving
0. A cult sport requiring very accurate diving technique; remored to
become part of next summer's X Games on ESPN.
1. The practice of sifting refuse from an office or technical installation
to extract confidential data, especially [computer] security-compromising
information.
esnafski.164nenad,
How Does a _______ Chicken Cross the Road?
NT Chicken:
Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
OS/2 Chicken:
It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that
nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken:
You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it
and it still tastes like ... chicken.
Microsoft Chicken (TM):
It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the
road.
OOP Chicken:
It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken:
First it builds the road ...
C Chicken:
It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken:
The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer
to him on the other side.
VB Chicken:
USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
Delphi Chicken:
The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other
side.
Java Chicken:
If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will
download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)
Web Chicken:
Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Gopher Chicken:
Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
Newton Chicken:
Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it
across the road in your pocket !
Cray Chicken:
Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in
liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
Quantum Logic Chicken:
The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the
road until you observe it on the side of your course.
Lotus Chicken:
Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
Mac Chicken:
No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the
road, so there's no way to tell it to.
Al Gore Chicken:
Waiting for completion of NCI (National Chicken-crossing
Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming
he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.
COBOL Chicken:
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
esnafski.165nenad,
Jedan od boljih!
Microsoft Tech Support
There was a Microsoft Tech Support guy who joined the Army. He
was hopeless on the firing range with a pistol. He shot a whole
clip and never even hit the target. The Drill Instructor was not
happy with his performance, and *informed* him of this.
The Tech Support guy went back to his position, reloaded, put his
fingertip over the end of the barrel, and pulled the trigger,
which, of course, neatly removed the end of his finger.
'Well,' he said to the D.I., clutching his finger, 'it's coming
out of the gun all right. It must be a problem on your end.'
esnafski.166nenad,
The Enchanted Frog
A youth was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week.' The youth took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.' Again the
youth took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you, I'm
a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'
The youth said, 'Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.'
esnafski.167nenad,
Lost in a Helicopter
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic
navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and
haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and
course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a
hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The
pilot's sign read "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft,
drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign
read "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course
to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how
the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their
position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building
because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically
correct but completely useless answer."
esnafski.168nenad,
Kako da znate da ste preterali sa Internetom:
Clues that you just might be a 'Net Junkie:
- You leave yourself e-mail before you go to bed to remind you
what todo when you wake up.
- When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you
notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
- You do get that second phone line, but use it to call your
secondary ISP.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using
a word processor.com
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
- You start introducing yourself as "Jim at A-O-L dot com."
- Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- You have your e-mail forwarded to your alphanumeric pager.
- You go outside and look for a brightness knob to turn down
the sun.
- Your spouse has the lawyer deliver the divorce papers...via
e-mail.
- Your computer costs more than your car.
- You e-mail your boss, informing him you'll be late.
- You spend Saturday night making the counter on your home
page pass that 2000 mark.
- You religiously respond immediately to e-mail, while
ignoring your growing pile of paper mail and bills.
- Your MCI "Circle of Friends" are all Hayes-compatible.
- You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the
URL.
- You'd rather go to http://www.weather.com/ than look out
your window.
- Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a
larger bandwidth.
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
- As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain
road, your final instinct is to search for the "back"
button.
esnafski.169apostol,
Dabogda ti Microsoft programirao pejsmejker.
JoTzoqA
esnafski.170mradovic,
Ortak i ja gledamo utakmicu.
On: "Zmisli igraju fudbal dva tima satavljena od Delphi i VB
programera..."
Ja: ";>>> E dok oni (VB tim) pohvataju DLL-ove po publici,
bice bar 5:0 za nas"
Pozdrav, Mirko.
esnafski.171nenad,
Evo jednog "dokaza" da je Microsoft više religija nego biznis. ;)
Cults are known by several distinctive features:
1. A fanatical leader on a mission of control.
Gates.
2. Rigid enforcement limiting the choices of the followers.
Exclusionary license agreements.
3. Mindlessly continuing to follow the leader despite broken promises.
Version upgrades.
4. A Utopian fantasy that never seems to work out as planned.
Windows.
5. Constant spin control.
MS Marketing.
Face it, folks. MS succeeds because it is more a religion than a
business.
esnafski.172nenad,
The Dosfish
A Fable for Modern Times
by Lincoln Spector
Long ago, in the days when all disks flopped in the breeze
and the writing of words was on a star, the Blue Giant dug
for the people the Pea Sea. But he needed a creature who
could sail the waters, and would need for support but few
rams.
So the Gateskeeper, who was said to be both micro and soft,
fashioned a Dosfish, which was small and spry, and could
swim the narrow sixteen-bit channel. But the Dosfish was not
bright, and could be taught few new tricks. His alphabet had
no As, Bs, or Qs, and only a mere 640 Ks, and the size of
his file cabinet was limited by his own fat.
At first the people loved the Dosfish, as he was the only
one who could swim the Pea Sea. But the people soon grew
tired of commanding his line, and complained that he could
be neither dragged nor dropped. "Gadzooks!" cried they. "The
Dosfish can do only one job at a time, and of names, he
>knows but eight and three!" And many of them left the Pea
Sea for good, going off to search for the Magic Apple.
Although many went, far more stayed because admittance to
the Pea Sea was cheap. So the Gateskeeper studied the Magic
Apple, and rested awhile in the Parc of Xer-Ox, whereupon he
fashioned a Window that could ride on the Dosfish and do the
thinking for it. But the Window was slow, and it would break
when the Dosfish got confused. So most people resigned
themselves to the Dosfish.
Now it came to pass that the Blue Giant visited the
Gateskeeper, and spake thus: "Come, let us make of ourselves
something greater than the Dosfish." The Blue Giant seemed
like a humbug, so they called the new creature Oz II.
Now Oz II was smarter than the Dosfish (as most things are).
It could drag and drop and keep files without becoming fat.
But the people cared for it not. So the Blue Giant and the
Gateskeeper promised another Oz II, to be called Oz II Too,
that could swim the fast, new, 32-bit wide Pea Sea.
But lo! A strange miracle occurred. Although the Window that
rode on the Dosfish was slow, it was pretty, and the third
Window was the prettiest. And the people began to like this
third Window, and to use it. So the Gateskeeper turned to
the Blue Giant and said, "Fie on thee, for I need thee not.
Keep thy OZ II Too, and I shall make of my Window an Entity
that will not need the Dosfish, and will swim in the 32-bit
Pea Sea."
Years passed, and the workshops of the Gateskeeper and the
Blue Giant were overrun by many insects. And the people went
on using their Dosfish with a Window. And, even though the
Dosfish would, from time to time, become confused and die,
it could always be revived with three fingers.
Then came the day when the Blue Giant unleashed his OZ II
Too onto the world. The Oz II Too was indeed mighty, and
awesome, and required a great ram, but the world was changed
not a whit. For the people said, "It is indeed great, but we
see little application for it." And they were doubtful,
because the Blue Giant had met with the Magic Apple, and
together they were fashioning a Taligent, and the Taligent
was made of objects, and was most pink.
Now the Gateskeeper had grown ambitious, and as he had been
ambitious before he grew, he was now more ambitious still.
So he protected his Window Entity with great security, and
made its net work both in serving and with peers. And the
Entity would swim, not only in the Pea Sea, but in the
Oceans of Great Risk. "Yea," declared the Gateskeeper,
"though my entity will require a greater ram than Oz II Too,
it will be more powerful than a world of Eunuchs!"
And so the Gateskeeper prepared to unleash his Entity to the
world, in all but two cities. For he promised that a greater
Window, a greater Entity, and an even greater Dosfish would
appear one day in Chicago and Cairo, and it, too, would be
built of objects.
Now the Eunuchs who lived in the Oceans of Great Risk, and
who scorned the Pea Sea, began to look upon their world with
fear. For the Pea Sea had grown, and great ships were
sailing in it. The Entity was about to invade their oceans,
and it was rumored that files would be named in letters
beyond eight. And the Eunuchs looked upon the Pea Sea, and
many of them thought to immigrate.
Within the Oceans of Great Risk were many Sun Worshipers,
and they wanted to excel, and make their words perfect, and
do their jobs as easy as one-two-three. And what's more,
many of them no longer wanted to pay for the Risk. So the
Sun Lord went to the Pea Sea, and got himself eighty-sixed.
And, taking the next step, was He of the NextStep, who had
given up building his boxes of black. And he proclaimed
loudly that he could help anyone make wondrous soft wares,
then admitted meekly that only those who know him could use
those wares, and he was made of objects, and required the
biggest ram of all.
And the people looked out upon the Pea Sea, and they were
sore amazed. And sore confused. And sore sore. And that is
why, to this day, Ozzes, Entities, and Eunuchs battle on the
shores of the Pea Sea, but the people still travel on the
simple Dosfish.
esnafski.173nenad,
Šta možete da naučite o kompjuterima u filmovima. :)
Things you learn about computers in the movies...
1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.
4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or
some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand
graphical interfaces.
5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based
command shells that can correctly understand and execute
commands typed in plain English.
6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by
simply typing 'ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES' on any
keyboard.
7. Likewise, you can infect a computer (even those of advanced
alien life forms capable of travelling trillions of light
years) with a destructive virus simply by typing 'UPLOAD
VIRUS'. Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like
they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk
drives and monitors.
8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on
the villain's desktop computer (or Agent Scully's), even if
it's turned off.
9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever
the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output
on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read.
The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a
dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.
10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots
just beneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a
bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an
explosion that forces you backwards. (see #7 above)
11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without
saving the data.
12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the
world before intermission and guess the secret password in
two tries.
13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
14. Complex calculations and loading of huge abounts of data will
be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems
transmit data at two gigabytes per second.
15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the
control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
16. If you display a file on the screen, and someone deletes the
file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways
to copy a backup file-and there are no undelete utilities.
17. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically
asked for a password when you try to access it.
18. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable
by any system you put it into. All application software is
usable by all computer platforms.
19. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has.
However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the
buttons aren't labeled.
20. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying
three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated
graphics capability.
21. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing
real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a
CRAY Y-MP.
22. Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so
bright that it projects itself on to his/her face.
23. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities.
Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.
24. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow
down users.
esnafski.174nenad,
Top Ten Signs you're a Techno Junkie!
#10 You get uptight when you see people running their monitor at
60hz refresh!
#9 When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a
salesperson talking with customers and butt in to correct him
and spend the next 20 minutes answering customer questions
while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
#8 You actually put a :) or <<grin>> in a regular letter.
#7 Dots per inch is more important than gas mileage.
#6 You can't sit through a movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.
#5 When you go to stores or go for travel, you try to see what
software they are running on their PCĺs or terminals.
#4 You get upset if your friends aren't using the same operating
system as you.
#3 You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers that you actually
use regularly.
#2 You no longer ask people for their "phone number", you now
ask for their "voice" number.
#1 You're more interested in the number of gadgets your car has
on the interior rather than the horsepower of the engine.
esnafski.176embe,
100% AUTENTICNI odlomak iz odgovora jednog kandidata na pismenom ispitu
iz informatike na Visoj Politehnickoj skoli u Beogradu (april 1997.):
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Pitanje broj 3.
Komande za rad sa diskovima.
Odgovor:
*) To su komande koje su se prve pojavile. Najvaznija je komanda
*) DIR, ona sama daje, sadrzaj racunara sa kojima se prvi put srecemo.
*) On je neizbezan u radu sa racunarom. Kod jacih racunara ubacuju se
*) svakodnevno programi i komanda DIR samo protrci i zaustavi se na
*) zadnjem delu teksta, i ako nam nesto treba na prednjem delu teksta
*) mi to ne mozemo da procitamo. Komanda DIR/W racunara slaze fajlove
*) njih vise u redu. Nedostatak mu je sto je stariji i ne toliko obiman,
*) jer svi podaci o vremenu, datumu, kolicini bajta ovde otpadaju i
*) ostaju samo ime fajla. Zato koristimo DIR/P i dobijamo polako stranu
*) po stranu direktorijuma. Ovde se uz ime fajla pojavljuju i svi ostali
*) podaci. Ovih fajlova moze biti mnogo, pa koristimo tz. dzokere. Zato
*) otkucamo sve sto znamo, a gde ne znamo: DIR AN*.EXE, a ako ne znamo
*) i ekstenziju onda ovako: DIR AN*.* . Postoji jos jedan tip dzokera koji
*) se koristi a to je ?
*) Komanda CHKDSK sluzi za proveru diska, jer su oni podlozni kvaru,
*) a da mi to ne znamo. Ona ce nam jos reci kolika je memorija, koliko
*) je prazno, a koliko puno. Neki fajlovi ostanu skriveni, ova komanda
*) ce nam reci koliko ih je ali nam nece reci njihove nazive. Ona ce nam
*) reci i da li neki delovi nisu u redu.
*) Komanda RECOVER znaci neki oporavak diska. Dogodi se da neki
*) fajlovi nisu uopste u redu odnosno ne reaguju, ako je neko slucajno
*) zamazao rukom. Taj deo diska propada. Komanda DISKCOPY sluzi za
*) kopiranje celog diska. Ona sve iskopira sagledajuci sta treba a sta
*) ne. Komanda DISKCOMP sluzi za poredjenje diska.
Kandidat je, po meni, na ispitu doziveo nepravdu, da za ovaj
odgovor, u kome nema ni jedne pogresne informacije, dobije NULA
poena !
Mislite o tome !
esnafski.178nenad,
Three Engineers in a car
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer,
a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the
car just stops by the side of the road, and the three
engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the
electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault
might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars suggests
that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting
blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about
anything, comes up with a suggestion. "Why don't we close
all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows
again and maybe it'll work!?"
esnafski.179obren,
TOP TEN REASONS STEVE JOBS SOLD APPLE STOCK
Why would Apple founder Steve Jobs dump 1.5 million shares of
Apple stock onto the market? We can think of ten good reasons:
10. Tired of being ignored by the SEC
9. Really tired of beige
8. Needs money for more memory in his Mac
7. Sick of just watching Microsoft stock; wants some of his own
6. Retribution for getting fired from Apple 12 years ago
5. Wants to make preemptive bid at CBS
4. Needs money to start the NeXT museum
3. Can get better ROI in Fidelity Magellan fund
2. Needs funds to buy another operating system for Apple
1. Has to cover his Tyson bets
esnafski.180nenad,
"Where do you want to go today?" Straight to Hell, apparently.
The other day I saw another Microsoft commercial on TV: sublime
choral music drifts through the background as the unseen user surfs
through the Internet and various Microsoft content using Internet
Explorer. The commercial closes with the Microsoft slogan "Where do
you want to go today?" and a final, furious blast of music. It's a
very cool effect. But if you dig a little deeper...
As it turns out, the background music is the Dies Irae of Mozart's
Requiem Mass. And the words of the final blast of music which
accompanies "Where do you want to go today?" are actually
"confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis...." In English:
"Where the damned are confounded, and consigned to sharp flames...";
which describes exactly where I *do not* want to go today!
While Explorer will take you to Hell for free, the upgrade to
Purgatory is pretty steep
esnafski.181nenad,
Mislili ste da glupih TV emisija ima samo kod nas? ;) Šta kažete
na ovo:
> But, ya know, every time I turn on the TV, there's this one
> channel that has these two guys salivating over some
> juvenile aspect of Winblows 95!
>
> "Look! If you press this button, you see files! Isn't that
> amazing?"
>
> "Yes. And I just discovered today that by hitting our
> secret button down here, you can actually open *two* web
> browsers and *tile* them so you can see both at the same
> time! All of this while connected to the internet!"
>
> "And if you click the RMB, you get a little menu!"
>
> Please.
Pošaljite ovo onome što pravi peticiju protiv voditelja
polarotora, možda se o'ladi. ;)
esnafski.182dr.grba,
-> #181, nenad>>> But, ya know, every time I turn on the TV, there's this one
>>> channel that has these two guys salivating over some
>>> juvenile aspect of Winblows 95!
Nije to ništa: u emisiji "The Site" na kanalu MS-NBC, doveli nekog
klinca od pet godina da objasni svoje impresije u nekim multimedija
igrama. Postavili malca, kao i sve druge goste koji pokazuju programe,
ispred jednog monitora od cca 30 inča, a sa obe strane zvučnici moje
visine (:
I krenuo klinja da se igra, ovi u'vatili da ga pitaju o tome šta mu se
dopada, a šta ne... Mali je nešto i pričao dok se igra nije zakuvala,
a onda je potpuno odjeb'o voditeljku i navalio da rešava probleme sa
nekim kučetom u lavirintu. Dva minuta agonije, ne bi li se uspostavio
neki kontakt sa detetom, a onda spas - reklame.
Ludnica je u tome što prilog evidentno nije uspeo, ali to je snimak -
nisu morali da ga prikažu (: No, to je Microsoft (:
esnafski.183nenad,
-> #182, dr.grba> Ludnica je u tome što prilog evidentno nije uspeo, ali to je snimak
> - nisu morali da ga prikažu (: No, to je Microsoft (:
Kako nije uspeo, pa gde ćeš bolje smišljenu reklamu za igru od
one u kojoj klinac prestaje da primećuje svet oko sebe?! ;)
esnafski.184dr.grba,
-> #183, nenad>>> Ludnica je u tome što prilog evidentno nije uspeo, ali to je snimak
>>> - nisu morali da ga prikažu (: No, to je Microsoft (:
>>
>> Kako nije uspeo, pa gde ćeš bolje smišljenu reklamu za igru od
>> one u kojoj klinac prestaje da primećuje svet oko sebe?! ;)
Ne kažem, ali trebalo je videti izbezumljenu facu voditeljke u
očajničkom nastupu da uspostavi kontakt sa klincem (: Ritam te
emisije je stalno PUSH-PUSH-PUSH! i nema se vremena za natezanja
kao sa Šešeljem (-%
esnafski.185mmilosh,
-> #184, dr.grba> (: Ritam te emisije je stalno PUSH-PUSH-PUSH! i nema se vremena za
Ritam te emisije je 1 minut programa, pa 2 minuta džinglova za CNBC i njihove
emisije, pa opet 1 minut program, pa 2 minuta dosade... i to u 5-6 ujutru.
Ako mislimo na istu emisiju. Pre nje ide uvek @ HOME valjda i još par sličnih.
Odatle je, ako se ne varam, i ono što je nenad slao o tome šta bi bilo kad
bi ljudi kupovali automobile kao što kupuju kompjutere. :)
esnafski.186dr.grba,
-> #185, mmilosh>> Ritam te emisije je 1 minut programa, pa 2 minuta džinglova za CNBC i
>> njihove emisije, pa opet 1 minut program, pa 2 minuta dosade... i to u 5-6
>> ujutru.
Ja to gledam direktno na NBC, u 4 popodne.
esnafski.187mradovic,
Q: Zasto sloba ima podocnjake?
A: Po celu noc igra civilizaciju da bar jednom dozivi:
"We Love the Comrade" Day Celebrated in Belgrade.
esnafski.189nenad,
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters
will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.
Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
- Professor Robert Silensky
California University
esnafski.190nenad,
ROSWELL, N.M. (AP) -- Today, the United States Air Force issued a
long-awaited report about the "Roswell Incident" in which some people
claim that software from Microsoft functioned correctly in Roswell, New
Mexico in 1947. As expected, the government's 261-page report denied that
there had ever been any evidence that this had ever happened, despite
eyewitness reports to the contrary. The report claims that what witnesses
actually saw was an experimental Macintosh running a variation of Unix, or
perhaps an experimental Unix machine using a form of the MacOS.
Although the official Air Force position is that this is their final
report on the matter, long-time Microsoft devotees are not satisfied. "We
know it really happened," said Gil Bates, spokesman for a group of
Microsoft enthusiasts who call themselves "The .exe-files". The group's
claim of having seen Windows run without crashing is tainted by the
revelation earlier this year that some members had falsified evidence by
doctoring output from standard Unix utilities and passing it off as
authentic Windows data files.
esnafski.191apostol,
Blago pauku...
On je stalno na Mreži
JoTzoqA
esnafski.192petarg,
Slika je malo starija, ali ...
JG
toilet.gifesnafski.193vekac,
s -- dobar chat - zlata vredi
s -- ko ima chat ima sve!
s -- ko rano rani dva chata grabi..
s -- ko drugome chatuje , sam u chat upada
s -- ko pre chatu njemu chat
s -- ko rano rani , bolji chat grabi
d -- e bre...
s -- bolje pivo u ruci nego chat na sezamu..
l -- bolji nod grabi
esnafski.194apostol,
Q: Kako se na nemačkom kaže "Kuća strave"?
A: Bau-Bau Haus
JoTzoqA
esnafski.195vdjole,
U septembarskom broju Sveta Kompjutera postoji članak o nekom softveru
za teleconference preko Interneta tj. višesmerni prenos slike i tona.
Autor opisuje mogućnosti softvera i kaže kako, zbog nedovoljne brzine
komunikacije modemom, dolazi do vrlo lošeg kvaliteta tona.
Zatim sledi biser:
"Na svu sreću, postoji taster -mute- kojim se gasi mikrofon, čime
se i slika ubrzava."
Kako je softver namenjen za konferisanje, pretpostavljam da je mislio
da se učesnici razgovora u tom slučaju sporazumevaju pantomimom.
esnafski.200gcurcic,
Rešio carinik da se ženi i okupile se kolege da se dogovore o poklonu:
- Da mu kupimo televizor?
- Pih, to nije ništa?
- A spavaću sobu?
- Ih, malo!
- Da mu kupimo stan?
- Ma malo je i to...
- A da ga pustimo jedno popodne samog u smenu?
- Ih, mnoooogo!
esnafski.201mradovic,
Sta znaci skracenica IBM?
Pa ako je verovati Benson-u: intercontinental ballistic missile :))
esnafski.202miskop,
-> #201, mradovic-> Sta znaci skracenica IBM?
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
CA - Constant Acquisition
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete In Months
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too
SCSI - System Can't See It
DOS - Defunct Operating System
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing ili I Still Don't Need it
esnafski.203madamov,
-> #201, mradovic> Sta znaci skracenica IBM?
I'll buy Macintosh.
esnafski.204darth.vader,
-> #203, madamov>> > Sta znaci skracenica IBM?
>>
>> I'll buy Macintosh.
Itsy Bitsy Monopolly ;)
esnafski.206ancha,
Sajam piva u Londonu, i sad za
jedan sto sedaju vlasnici ono kao the best piva
na svetu:
dolazi konobar i kaže:"Izvolte šta želite" (samo na engleskom)
vlasnik AMSTELA:"Dajte mi the best pivo na svetu ... AMSTEL"
vlasnik HAJNEKENA:"Dajte mi mi najbest pivo, kraljevsko pivo, HAJNEKEN!"
vlasnik SOLE-a:"Daj mi mućaćo najbolje pivo na svetu sa sve limunom SOLE!"
a vlasnik GINIS-a:"Dajte meni jednu coca-colu!"
a ovi svi u glas:"ŠTO COCA-COLU?"
a on:"pa reko' kad vi ne pijete pivo ne neću ni ja!"
esnafski.207mihailod,
- A Guide to MRML -
The Mind Reading Markup Language (MRML /mur'mul/) is a
proprietary extension of the HyperText Markup Language.
MRML tags can be embedded into any regular HTML document.
They are completely invisible to all browsers.
No one will ever know you are using them.
* Format: ASCII * Jezik: Engleski * Izvor: Internet *
mrml.arjesnafski.208ancha,
Preturah po nekim papirima i nadjoh račun sa izvesnog splava od pre godinu
dana, koji sam uzeo zbog broja telefona istog....
i medju poslednjim redovima piše ovako:
99 din
+20 % za muziku
--------------
122 din.
:)
esnafski.209dule.n,
-> #208, ancha│ 99 din
│ +20 % za muziku
│ --------------
│ 122 din.
└───────────────────
Ovo me potseti na nešto što sam čuo od ćaleta. Naime, u njegovo vreme
u Gornjem Milanovcu u nekom restoranu beše konobar koji je imao ovakav
sistem obračuna:
<primer>
"Imali ste:
roštilj 30 dinara
krompire 10 dinara
vino 12 dinara
salatu niste imali 5 dinara :)))
--------------------------------
sve ukupno 57 dinara".
Pa, gde prođe - prođe! ;)
Imao sam i ja jedan zanimljiv slučaj pre više godina. Odem ja u
prodavnicu da kupim tri komada nečega (ne sećam se tačno šta beše)
kad meni prodavačica izvodi račun:
"Triput sedam - dva'es' osam i dva dinara nemam da ti vratim".
:)
Kad se radi, da se bar radi u velikom stilu! :)
esnafski.210miskop,
Izgubi se Jugoslovenski građanin usred Zimbabvea, i sav usplahiren
pokušava da nađe YU ambasadu. Prilazi mu crnac lukavog izgleda:
- Bvana, vi tražiti provod? Ja imati devojke za samo 10 dolara...
- (Usplahireno) Ama kakve bre devojke čoveče!
- Imati i mladiće, ali skuplje - 15 dolara.
- Ama ne trebaju meni nikakvi mladići!!
- Oh, ja imati i 12-to godišnje device - 20 dolara!
- Ama čoveče meni treba Jugoslovenski ambasador!!
- (zamišljeno) Paaa, može i to , ali on biti stvarno skup - 30 dolara!!!
esnafski.211spaceman,
From: Juan T. Llibre <j.llibre@CODETEL.NET.DO>
To: ActiveServerPages@LISTSERV.MSN.COM
Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase,
copyright, and upgrade God Himself.
The new product would be named, predictably enough, Microsoft God,"
and would be available to consumers sometime in late 1998.
Too many people feel separated from God in today's world," said
the director of Microsoft's new Religions division.
"Microsoft God will make our Lord more accessible, and will add an easy,
intuitive user interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find,
but easier to communicate with."
The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include
a multitude of add-on products to Microsoft God, including:
Microsoft Crusades:
This conversion product will bring all worshipper accounts
and prayer files over from previous versions of God, or from
competing products like Buddha or Allah.
Microsoft God for the World Wide Web:
This product ties Microsoft God with Microsoft Internet Information Server,
making our Lord accessible from the World Wide Web using a standard Web
browser interface. It introduces several new Web technologies, including
Dynamic Salvation and Active Prayer Pages (APP).
Donations for the poor can be donated via a Secure Alms Server.
Microsoft Prayers:
Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product will allow worshippers
to construct effective prayers in a minimum of time. A Secure Prayer
Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the prayer to Microsoft
God servers,
and Prayer Wizards enable users to construct new types of prayers with a
minimum learning curve.
Microsoft Savior:
This product will allow worshippers to transfer their sins to its internal
Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product will erase itself from
the user's system and establish a clear line of secure communications to the
user's Microsoft God server.
Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary
products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality
of the Microsoft God server product by providing a customized user interface.
These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects, allowing
worshippers
to interact with the new God product in much the same way as the previous
version.
This line is expected to include Microsoft Christianity, Microsoft
Catholicism,
Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with Microsoft Savior), etc.
Competitor Netscape Communications denies rumors that it is planning to
release
a competing product, Netscape Satanism, that would attempt to render Microsoft
God installations inoperable.
esnafski.212miskop,
Gužva u čekaonici kod lekara opšte prakse.
Lekar poludeo iz ličnih razloga (male neredovne plate, nema markica,
nema bonova...), i izađe u čekaonicu da razjuri dokonu masu.
- Ajmo, razlaz, danas nema pregleda.
Počeše ljudi da se bune, ali doktor je lično izašao da smanji gužvu, pa
se polako razilaze.
Kad, iz pozadine javlja se jedna baba:
-A šta da radimo mi s' pečenje?
-E, vi s' pečenje uđite!
Uđe baba u ordinaciju praznih ruku, a doktor, gledajući je u prazne
ruke rece:
-Dobro, baba, tebi prazne ruke!
-Ma pusti ti ruke, nego sta da ja radim sa pečenje?
-Ama baba, kakvo pečenje?
-Pa peče me kad pišam!!!
esnafski.213nenad,
Bill, the foreman and the furniture....
Now that Bill Gates is moving into his new house the following is a
conversation heard last week.
Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."
Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are
free for the first 90 days and $75 a call
thereafter. Okay?"
Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We
think its a little smaller than we anticipated."
Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by
the release date."
Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in
there."
Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a
new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker."
Bill: "Stacker?"
Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture
into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put
the entertainment centre on the couch... the chairs
on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so
when you want to use some furniture you can unstack
what you need and then put it back when you're
done."
Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is
the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us
from our old home won't fit. The threads run the
wrong way."
Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and
play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."
Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round,
not rectangular. How do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical
system."
Bill: "You're kidding!?"
Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."
Bill: "<sigh> Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes,
when I have guests over, someone will flush the
toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops
so low that the showers don't work."
Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is
failing to terminate and is hogging the resources
preventing access from other fixtures."
Bill: "And how do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the
house, turn off the water at the street, turn it
back on, reenter the house and then you can get back
to work."
Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are
you selling me?!"
Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it nobody made you buy it."
Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"
Contractor: "Oh, in your next house-which will be ready to
release sometime near the end of next year.
Actually it was due out this year, but we've had
some delays..."
esnafski.214pifat,
Instrukcije za pripremanje najnovijeg Microsoftovog TV obroka
Prva stvar koju treba da uradite je da uklonite plastični poklopac
sa obroka. Obavljanjem tog čina vi se slažete da prihvatate i
poštujete eksluzivna prava Microsofta na sve TV obroke. Nikom
ne smete dati ni zalogaj od vašeg ručka (pošto bi to značilo
povredu Microsoftovih autorskih prava). Međutim, dozvoljeno
vam je da drugima ponudite da vaš ručak vide i pomirišu i
smatrajte se ohrabrenim da im kažete kako je dobar.
Ako imate PC mikrotalasnu pećnicu, ubacite u nju obrok.
Podesite pećnicu kucanjem sledećeg:
</mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//
Potom unesite:
<ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy/I/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme
Ukoliko imate pećnicu Macintosh ubacite obrok i pritisnite start.
Pećnica će se sama podesiti i zagrejati vam obrok.
Ako, pak, imate pećnicu marke Unix, procedura je sledeća:
ubacite obrok, ukucajte sve sastojke obroka (što ćete pronaći na
poleđini paketa), težinu obroka, željeni nivo zagrevanja i pritisnite
start. Pećnica će sama proračunati vreme i temperaturu potrebnu
za kuvanje obroka tačno po vašoj specifikaciji.
Budite unapred upozoreni da Microsoftovi obroci mogu da
izazovu padanje sistema, u kom slučaju morate restartovati
pećnicu. To je vrlo jednostavna procedura. Uklonite obrok iz
pećnice i ukucajte:
<ms.nodamn.good./tryagain/again/again.crap
Ovaj proces će možda biti potrebno ponoviti više puta. Pokušajte
da pećnicu isključite iz struje i da uradite hladni restart. Ukoliko ni
to ne uspe, pozovite svog isporučioca.
Mnogi korisnici su prijavljivali da je posuda za obrok prevelika,
veća od samog obroka i da ima dosta nepotrebnih odeljaka od
kojih je većina prazna. To je za buduće dodatke meniju. Ako je
posuda previše velika za vašu pećnicu moraćete da unapredite
vašu opremu i kupite veću pećnicu.
Obroke možete naručiti samo kod registrovanih isporučilaca, a
trenutno je dostupna samo varijanta sa pilećim mesom. Ako
želite neki drugačiji ukus pozovite Microsoft Help i oni će vam
objasniti da vi u stvari zaista ne želite ništa drugo. Microsoft
Chicken je sve što vam je potrebno.
Microsoft je objavio da više neće podržavati male verzije ovih
obroka. Buduće verzije će biti samo u velikom porodičnom
pakovanju. Višak piletine može biti sačuvan za neko buduće
korišćenje, ali mora se držati u Microsoftovom odobrenom
pakovanju.
Microsoft obećava i dezert sa svakim ručkom koji se kupi tokom
1998. Međutim, ove verzije još nisu izašle. Korisnici imaju
dozvolu da budu unapred oduševljeni.
Microsoftovi ručkovi mogu da budu inkompatibilni sa ostalim
obrocima u frižideru, izazivajući da se vaš frižider sam od sebe
otopi. Ovo je ugrađena osobina, a ne greška. Vaš frižider je
najverovatnije trebalo da bude otopljen i bez toga.
Uživajte!!!
esnafski.215dr.grba,
-> #214, pifat>> Ako, pak, imate pećnicu marke Unix, procedura je sledeća:
>> ubacite obrok, ukucajte sve sastojke obroka (što ćete pronaći na
>> poleđini paketa), težinu obroka, željeni nivo zagrevanja i pritisnite
>> start. Pećnica će sama proračunati vreme i temperaturu potrebnu
>> za kuvanje obroka tačno po vašoj specifikaciji.
A ako proračun nije izvodljiv, možete rasklopiti pećnicu,
pa je potom ponovo sklopiti po preporukama Microsofta...
esnafski.220madamov,
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 97 02:11:42 -0900
From: EvangeList <evangelist@apple.com>
Subject: :-) - A SHORT Joke
This tidbit is from:
Jeremy, <jvillano@earthlink.net>
Here's a little joke that is BOTH on topic and kinda funny.
=====
Bill Gates and Scott McNealy were playing a friendly game of frisbee on
the Gate's estate on the shore of Lake Washington. At one point, Bill
accidentally sends the frisbee over Scott's head, and the frisbee lands
in the lake. Scott walks out onto the surface of the lake and retrieves
the frisbee.
The next day the newspapers report:
GATE'S THROW EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS
Sun CEO Unable to Swim
esnafski.221vasic,
Top 10 reasons compilers must be female:
========================================
10. Picky, picky, picky.
9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
8. Beauty is only shell deep.
7. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
4. Smalltalk is important.
3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
2. They make you take the garbage out.
1. Miss a period and they go wild
esnafski.222milosh.zorica,
Evo nekih skraćenica.
JPG=Jedeš Puno Govna
KK'N'D=Kosta Kenja Na Drvetu
IBM=I Bosanci Misle
esnafski.223madamov,
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 97 09:56:47 -0900
From: EvangeList <evangelist@apple.com>
Subject: Tidbit - James Bond Versus Bill Gates
This tidbit is from:
Jeff Adams, <herur@earthlink.net>
I just got back from a sneak preview of the new James Bond movie Tomorrow
Never Dies. Damn, it was cool! Classic Bond action and innuendos. Here's
one scene that had the entire theater howling, though....
You find out early on who the bad guy is: Elliot Carver, President and
CEO of Carver Global Media. Basically, he's trying to take over the world
through his numerous media ventures, and the plot escalates... well, go
see it.
At one point, geeky looking Carver is talking over a video
tele-conference with several of his yes-men. They are updating him on
various issues and projects. He asks one of them about a new software
release. The minion answers that the package will be delivered on time
and full of bugs. There's a very slight pause where you expect Carver may
fire the guy or something, but continuing with a smile, the guy says, "so
that people will have to upgrade for years to come." Carver replies with
great enthusiasm to this and the theater breaks out in laughter! It was
then I realized how thick Carver's glasses were and how nerdy they
portrayed him. A great scene, man!
esnafski.224kum.djole,
Putovao seljak kroz Beograd i vodio mazgu na uzici.
Onako umoran, šta će, mora negde da prespava.. i uđe on u neki hotel.
- Dobro veče.
- Dobro veče.
- Je l' mogu ja da spavam ovde noćas ?
- Kako da ne, izvolite.. (procedura..)
- A je l' u redu da ostavim mazgu ovde kod vas, da je ne vodam gore ?
- Naravno, nema nikakvih problema..
Uze on ključeve i pođe u sobu.
Ušao, vidi, sve lepo čisto, sređeno.. pogleda krevet, misli se, bre kako
su lepo sredili, kako je fino, pa čisto.. "ma, neću ja da im prljam,
daj spavaću ja na patosu.. daj bar ruke da operem"..
Uđe u kupatilo, ono još lepše, cakli se, miriše..
"Au kako su lepo sredili, gle kako miriše, sve sija.. daj neću
ja da im prljam, šta ima veze..".. i legne on na patos da spava.
Sutradan dođe na recepciju da plati, dovedu mu mazgu i ispostave račun.
- ..hm, evo ovako, sto dinara za korišćenje kreveta..
- E, čekajte, pa ja nisam spav'o na krevetu, nego na patosu.
- Pa mog'o si, što nisi !?
- Pa.. dobro..
- ..i dođete nam još sto dinara za korišćenje kupatila.
- E! Al' nisam ni koristio kupatilo, nisam hteo da vam prljam..
- Pa mogo si, što nisi !?
- Pa, dobro..
- Dvesta dinara.
- Ma slušaj ti sinko..
Ti meni duguješ dvesta dinara zato što si mi noćas jebo mazgu!
- ..(?)..!? Nisam ti jeb'o mazgu!
- PA MOG'O SI, ŠTO NISI !?
esnafski.226madamov,
Date: Mon, 29 Dec 97 02:12:31 -0900
From: EvangeList <evangelist@apple.com>
Subject: Tidbit - Microsoft ISN'T Ford! ;-)
This tidbit is from:
R. H. "Monty" Wilkinson Jr., <zarmanto@idsonline.com>
I just read the funniest quote from Microsoft's corporate lawyer, William
Neukom. I found it at:
<http://www.wired.com/news/news/business/story/9178.html>
- - - - - - - -
"The central point of our position is that when a computer manufacturer
licenses Windows, it should install the entire product, just as Ford
requires that all its vehicles be sold with Ford engines. This is the
only way to guarantee customers a consistent Windows experience," Neukom
said.
- - - - - - - -
What made me laugh is the irony of his statement: I used to drive a Ford
Festiva, (Great little car; I never had a single problem with it, even
after I slammed it into that tree!) and it had a Mazda engine in it.
__________________________
Digital Guy Sez:
And I'll bet it didn't crash every day, either. ;-)
esnafski.227pifat,
Bill Gates meets Satan
"Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates..."
"Oh, hi, Satan. What's up downstairs?"
"It's tiiiiime..."
"Yeah, but we're still debugging Memphis, and Ballmer swears he'll wipe
out Adobe before lunch, and Melinda wants to change the tile in the
third-floor kitchen again, and..."
"Sorry, Bill. I've given you too many extensions already, not to
mention the Oracle8 launch event disaster, not to mention Steve Jobs'
head on a platter."
"Yeah, that was a good one. I think you enjoy this as much as I..."
"Regardless, a deal's a deal. Your soul is mine, Bill Gates. And today
is the day you pay your eternal debt to me."
"Now, let's be reasonable here, Satan..."
"Reasonable?!? You want reasonable?!? You're the richest man in the
world! You've got a beautiful wife and daughter! Microsoft is the most
powerful company on the planet! We're even using NT to run hell's WAN
server! And frankly, it sucks. That's one of the reasons I've come to
collect. If you can't get my network to run right, you'll spend the
afterlife writing Windows applications that run on doorbells..."
"What's your alternative, Satan? Netware? AppleTalk? OS/2? You're a
funny guy for someone who breathes fire."
"Well, God is porting all his heaven-critical applications to Java..."
"Java?!? Stop it, Satan. You're going to make me wet my pants again
like that time you told me to buy Novell for $50 a share."
"Yes, Java, running on Sun servers, IBM plumbing and Oracle databases
with thin clients accessing the apps via the web through Netscape
Navigator."
"That's not a solution, that's one of those Grimm's fairy tales that
scare children to death. I have yet to see an NC actually being used to
do anything except crash during demonstrations. Look, Java is a nice
little language for animating web sites, but Shockwave after too many
espressos isn't going to displace Windows as an applications platform
on hundreds of millions of PCs."
"Nevertheless, Java is the future of computing, and I'll be damned if
I'm going to give God a strategic technology advantage!"
"Satan, what if I told you I could kill off Java with a single word?"
"Interesting. Tell me more."
"Wait a minute. What's in it for me?"
"I promise I won't turn you into Larry Ellison's bidet right this
second."
"Okay, that works for me. Here's the word... disable."
"Disable what?"
"Disable Java support in Internet Explorer."
"You mean Microsoft's web browser won't run Java anymore?"
"That's right, brimstone breath. You want to run Java, give Netscape 50
bucks per seat and pray that IBM doesn't buy the company to merge
Communicator with Lotus Notes."
"The Department of Justice will..."
"Will what? Punish me because I won't support a product my enemies want
to use to destroy my company? Chevrolet dealers don't have to sell
Fords. Pepsi's restaurants don't have to offer Coke. Why does Microsoft
have to support Java?"
"It's an industry standard..."
"It's an industry hallucination."
"There will be a public outcry..."
"From who? Network managers? MIS? The CIO? They're up to their
nosehairs in Cobol getting ready for January 1, 2000. To them, Java is
still a cute word for coffee."
"What about all those spiffy applets on thousands of web sites?"
"Microsoft owns 100 percent of the Apple and Windows preload market for
browsers, and our overall share has gone from zero to half in two
years. It's a safe bet most people will soon use IE for web access. If
they come to a site that doesn't work because of Java, they'll simply
jump to the next one. Trust me, developers will switch to ActiveX
faster than you can say 'Playstation.'"
"What about other platforms..."
"Like Intel has competition?"
"Interactive TV..."
"We call it WebTV in Redmond."
"Venture capitalists have invested billions..."
"To get a date with Kim Polese."
"Sun will write a plug-in..."
"Not without the hidden APIs."
"Of all my minions, you are my very favorite, Bill. You may stay."
"Thanks, Satan. Now, about that Exchange license agreement..."
esnafski.228pifat,
"Windows 95: A 32-bit graphical shell for a 16-bit patch
to an 8-bit operating system originally encoded for a 4
bit microprocessor by a 2-bit company who can't stand
1 bit of competition."
esnafski.229johnnya,
Carinik je dugo radio samo u noćnoj smeni, pa njegova žena nije imala
izbora :) i nađe ona švalera.
Međutim jedne večeri carinik se nenadano vrati sa posla i provali šta
se događa u kući...
- Govori ženo GDE JE !
- Ljubavi, o čemu ti to ?
- Ma naći ću ja skota, lično ću da mu presudim !
Gleda pod krevetom...
- Ovde nije.
Gleda u jednom ormanu...
- Ovde nije.
Gleda u drugom ormanu...
- Nema ga ni ovde.
Otvara treći orman, u njemu tip, drži novčanicu od 500 DM.
- NIJE NI OVDE !
:)))
esnafski.230dr.grba,
Poštovani gospodine Ladimudiću!
Moram da uložim primedbu-ba! (lat. 'kritika-ka!') na vaše izražavanje
u toku razgovora dalekogovornim uređajem (lat. 'telefon', 'telefoniranje').
Naime, ova primedba-ba! (lat. 'kritika-ka!') se odnosi na vašu opasku
(lat. 'replika') oko ispravnog izraza (lat. 'termin') za naziv programa
koji je namenjen upotrebi prilikom posete Svetski Spregnutoj Mreži
(engl. 'World Wide Web').
Gospodine Ladimudiću, vi ste te programe nazvali izrazom (lat. 'termin')
'pretražitelji paučastih stranica' (engl. 'web page browsers').
Kao prvo, upotreba umanjenica (lat. 'deminutiv') nije neophodna u duhu
srpskoga jezika. Reč 'stranica' označava malu stranu, a svi znamo da
strane na Svetski Spregnutoj Mreži (engl. 'World Wide Web') uglavnom
nisu male.
Drugo, nije sigurno da se engleska reč 'web' odnosi na mreže koje pletu
paukovi, kao što nije poznato da se ove životinje koriste kao sprežni
čipovi na Međumreži (engl. 'Internet'). No, da bismo prihvatili duhovitost
savremenih autora programa na Međumreži (engl. 'Internet'), smatram da
je umesno upotrebiti reč 'mrežni' kao imenski pridev izveden od reči
'mreža', sto je delimično u duhu našega jezika. Kažem 'delimično' zato
što su imenski pridevi nasleđe stranih, mahom germanskih jezika, među
kojima je i engleski. Istina, engleski jezik je postao nezvanični
(lat. 'neoficijelni') svetski (lat. 'globalni') jezik, ali to ne znači
da mi treba da kaljamo svoj jezik tuđim.
Konačno, reč 'pretražitelj' je nasilan sklop (lat. 'konstrukcija'). Čovek
ili uređaj koji nešto traži, prema Rečniku Matice Srpske, kao i prema
novom Pešikanovom Pravopisu srpskoga jezika, može da se obeleži rečju
'tragač'. Možda (lat. 'eventualno') bismo mogli koristiti reč 'pretražilac',
koja je nešto bliža duhu sklopa (lat. 'konstrukcija') engleskog izraza
'web page browser', iako nije jasno zašto bismo u svome jeziku povlađivali
bilo kom stranom, a pogotovo engleskom jeziku. Takvim postupcima dovodimo
svoj jezik u podređen (lat. inferioran) položaj, za čime nema potrebe.
Ne treba zaboraviti da ovde govorimo o programima koji služe kako
pretraživanju, tako i čitanju strana na Svetski Spregnutoj Mreži
(engl. World Wide Web). Dakle, pošto ne postoji primeren (lat. 'adekvatan')
prevod reči 'browser', prvi nalet (lat. 'impuls') bi bio da kažemo
'čitač-tragač'.
Ali, time bismo sigurno upali u zamku. Reč 'čitač' nije u duhu srpskoga
jezika, iako se na sasvim ružan (lat. 'degutantan') način uvukla (lat.
'infiltrirati') u naš jezik krajem pedesetih godina ovoga veka. Naime,
tada smo tom rečju počeli da obeležavamo uređaje za dodirno prepoznavanje
(lat. 'senzor') koji su namenjeni čitanju (mogli bismo reći i 'očitavanju',
'ščitavanju') raznih predmeta u industriji, a kasnije i u domaćinstvu.
Ispravna reč je, naravno, čitalac.
Druga zamka je u redosledu polaznog (lat. 'inicijalni') sklopa (lat.
'konstrukcija'). Naime, prvo se nešto traži, a potom čita. Dakle, kada
uvažimo ovu ispravku (lat. korektura), izraz (lat. termin) bi trebalo
da glasi 'tragač-čitalac'.
Ceo izraz za vrstu (lat. 'klasa') programa o kojima je reč u ovom
izlaganju (lat. 'referat') bi trebalo da glasi:
tragač-čitalac mrežnih strana
Doduše, treba obavezno primetiti i prisustvo germanizma (Anal Matice
Srpske br. 234-553-222/IIS-45a.-21. Str.112-114, MCMXCIV), pa bi valjan
izraz (lat. 'termin') trebalo da glasi:
tragač-čitalac strana mreže
Polupismeni (lat. 'semialfabetski') izrazi (lat. 'termini') poput
'čitač-pretražilac mrežnih strana' se mogu uvažiti (lat. 'tolerisati')
jedino u usmenom (lat. 'verbalni') izražavanju kao nasleđe žargona
(engl. 'sleng'). Potpuno nepismeni (lat. 'analfabetski') sklopovi
(lat. 'konstrukcija') kao što je 'pretražitelj-čitač mrežnih stranica'
je načelno (lat. 'principijelno') primereniji (lat. 'adekvatniji')
jeziku ulice, a ne izražavanju jednog ozbiljnog stručnjaka (lat.
'profesionalac'), čemu vi težite (lat. 'pretendovati').
Nadam se da ćete prihvatiti moju skromnu primedbu-ba! (lat. 'kritika-ka!')
i da ćete ubuduće koristiti ispravan izraz (lat. 'termin') za programe
namenjene pretrazi (pre nego 'pretraživanju'; možemo, pak, reći 'traženju')
i čitanju strana na Svetski Spregnutoj Mreži (engl. 'World Wide Web
page browsers').
Ukoliko želite da vam temeljnije i preciznije objasnim kako treba da
glase izrazi (lat. 'termini') u primenjenoj nauci o upotrebi računara
(lat. 'informatika'), slobodno mi se obratite (lat. 'kontaktirati').
S poštovanjem (lat. 'respekt')
Vasa Milenković
vamile@sitno(lat. 'mikro').co.yu
esnafski.231sav.gacic,
-> #230, dr.grba> Poštovani gospodine Ladimudiću!
> (lat. 'informatika'), slobodno mi se obratite (lat. 'kontaktirati').
> S poštovanjem (lat. 'respekt')
> Vasa Milenković
> vamile@sitno(lat. 'mikro').co.yu
Auuu, Grbo, ovako često biva?
Korespondentima na nivou institucije ;) treba davati mleko za štetnost
uzajamnog delovanja, kao i votku u cilju pibližavanja stavova :)
Čuo sam da na gornjoj adresi boravi ličnost sa specifičnim senzibilitetom kada
je jezik u pitanju, ali, zar je moguće da je toliko uznapredovalo? c-c-c-c...
>
esnafski.232epson,
Poruka mozga
Kada je stvoren organizam, svi delovi organizma su hteli da budu
Šef. Mozak je rekao "Pošto ja upravljam svim delovima tela i mislim
umesto svih, ja ću biti Šef!". Noge su rekle: "Pošto mi nosimo orga-
nizam tamo gde želi i izvršavamo ono što Mozak odredi, mi želimo da
budemo Šef!". Ovako su svi nastavili, i Oči, i Ruke, i Srce, i Plu-
ća...
Zatim, DUPE je izjavilo da ono želi da postane Šef. Sbi su se sme-
jali i smatrali da je to apsurd, da jedno DUPE postane Šef. Dupe se
jako uvredilo, skupilo se i odbilo da obavlja svoj zadatak. Kao po-
sledica toga, Mozak se pomutio, Oči izbečile, Noge počele drhtati,
Ruke su onemoćale, a Srce i Pluća su imali velike teškoće da obavlja-
ju svoju funkciju.
Na kraju su svi molili Mozak da dozvoli Dupetu da bude Šef. Tako
je i bilo! Sada svi obavljaju svoje zadatke i funkcije, a Dupe samo
sedi i kenja.
NARAVOUČENIJE: Da bi čovek postao Šef, ne mora da bude genije, do-
voljno je da bude obično DUPE.
Puno pozdrava, Mozak
esnafski.233milosh.zorica,
Da li znate da u Helpu za TP 7 umesto PRESS ANY KEY... stoji PLEASE
ANY KEY.:))
esnafski.234madamov,
Date: Mon, 2 Feb 1998 02:10:48 -0000
From: EvangeList <evangelist@apple.com>
Subject: ;- ) - Windows '98 Slogan
This tidbit is from:
Donnie Cambre, <donniec@nortel.ca>
In response to the Tidbit on Windows '98 losing data when the system
sleeps. This is not a bug. This is a feature which has its own slogan:
"You Snooze You Loose"
esnafski.235rdejan,
===============================
10.185 MUZIKA.3:yu.zvuk
apostol, 04.02.98. 19:47, 508 chr
---------------------------------------------------------
SVE JE TO OD LOŠEG BENZINA
Ne vjeruj mi noćas,
svakog časa kvarit ću se više.
Ne ljuti se kad mi motor svira,
i dimi sve više kod velikih krivina,
sve je to od lošeg benzina
Ne pali me noćas,
biće suza, od dima će teći.
Ne vozi me, gazda, jer ćeš čuti,
motor će se peći, tužna istina
sve je to od lošeg benzina
Ne gledaj me tako dok se plasti-kante množe,
prevariću sebe, al' sa tim benzinom se daleko ne može.
I to ti je sudbina,
sve je to od lošeg benzina.
JoTzoqA
-----------------------------------------------10.185 ---
esnafski.236poll,
Understanding The Tehnoligy
Fina paralela izmedju racunara i WC-a :)
Obavezno pogledati...
silenund.gifesnafski.237dbambi,
Izvod iz conf. PCHARD
===============================
3.131 PCHARD.7:matične_ploče * Poništio Moderator
zlaya, 25.02.98. 00:10, 334 chr
Odgovor na 3.128, allmighty, 23.02.98. 12:24
---------------------------------------------------------
:)
Zar mu nije bilo jednostavnije da obriše :)
Bambi
esnafski.238zlaya,
-> #237, dbambi- ===============================
- 3.131 PCHARD.7:matične_ploče * Poništio Moderator
- zlaya, 25.02.98. 00:10, 334 chr
- Odgovor na 3.128, allmighty, 23.02.98. 12:24
- ---------------------------------------------------------
-
-
- :)
-
- Zar mu nije bilo jednostavnije da obriše :)
Da, to sam i uradio (CO DEL /M 3.131) . Nikad se nezna, jednog dana ću
naučiti sve te komande i svih 100 slova pa će svima vama biti krivo što i to
umem :))))...
Viva la Revolucion !!!!
esnafski.239ivke,
evo za one koji ne veruju u slack :)
free space= 19,005,450 bytes
delete 2000 files, 11,429,241 bytes
free space= 88,375,246 bytes
:)
(disk= 1,2GB, jedna particija)
obrises 10 mega, dobijes 70 slobodnog... chudo je ovaj slack...
esnafski.240rdejan,
===============================
3.192 KOMUNIKACIJE.10:kom.programi
obren, 07.04.98. 11:53, 1545 chr
Odgovor na 3.187, dr.grba, 07.04.98. 00:27
---------------------------------------------------------
> Dragi doktore Matiću,
>
> imam XX godina, kompjuktor, Njin 95 i MSIE 4.01. Svi moji drugovi
> se hvale kako im puca, a meni ne puca.
>
> Gde grešim? Samo mi ne recite da moram da instaliram NN4 da bi
> mi pucalo, jer ću da se ubijem ovako neshvaćen.
Odgovor za šifru "Neshvaćen",
Zaista nema potrebe da brineš što kod tebe još nije došlo do pucanja.
A to što se drugovi hvale učestalim pucanjima, okači mačku o rep, jer
ne mora da znači da je tačno. U tom dobu normalno je da se dečaci hvale
i razmeću stvarima koje u stvarnosti možda i nisu doživeli.
Neko normalno doba za početak pucanja jednostavno ne postoji. Nekom se
to desi ranije, a nekom kasnije - jednostavno se opusti i sačekaj da se
to dogodi kada dođe pravi trenutak (kao i mnoge druge stvari u životu,
pucanje obično dolazi kada mu se najmanje nadaš ;)
Što se tiče korišćenja NN4, nikako nemoj da se odlučuješ na taj korak!
Ljudi koji konzumiraju NN4 to rade samo da bi bili "glavni u društvu",
ne shvatajući sve opasnosti koje on nosi! Iako NN4 ne stvara fizičku
zavisnost, postoje čvrste indicije da dolazi do jake psihičke zavisnosti
prilikom dužeg korišćenja. Naime, kada se koristi NN4 stvara se osećaj
neizmernog zadovoljstva i sigurnosti ali uz nuspojavu koja se ogleda u
potpunom odsustvu mogućnosti pucanja, tako bi ti tek njegovo korišćenje
odmoglo da postigneš to prvo iskustvo koje toliko priželjkuješ.
Pozdrav, nadam se da ćeš i dalje redovno čitati PC Teen ;)
Vaš,
Dr. Savić
O;)
----------------------------------------------- 3.192 ---
esnafski.241krsta,
- Ej pogledaj onog malog kako se lepo smeje
- Gde?
- Evo ga ide
:)
- Gle, gle pogledaj onog sa novim cvikerima, bash je faca
B)
- Auuuuuuuuu, pogledaj ti ovog, pa ovaj je mutirao, gle koliko usta ima
:)))))))))))
KRLE
esnafski.242the.edge,
-> #241, krstaNeki ljudi STVARNO imaju VEOMA cudan smisao za humor...
Ajde krsto, molimo te svi da prekines sa pisanjem viceva...vidis bre covece
da ti ne idu.
AcCeSS DeNiED
esnafski.243johnnya,
Mušterija zove vodoinstalatera ...
- Dobar dan, meni curi WC-šolja.
- Kotlić ?
- Ne... Stanković
esnafski.244ventura,
Sinu treba da dodje zenska na veceru i neznajuci sta ce kaze tati da se
sakrije negde u sobu i da mu govori sta treba da radi.Dodje riba i posle nekog
vremena riba pocinje da ga ljubi.
S: Tata ona me ljubi.
T: Ljubi i ti nju.
S: Tata ona me skida.
T: Skidaj i ti nju.
S: Tata sta sad?
T: Gurni onu stvar znas vec gde.
-Sin okrecuci se udari glavom u rub kreveta i uspaniceno uzviknu.
S: TATA Krv!
T: To, sine cepaj.
(ovde treba da se pocne mahati glavom simulirajuci udarac od krevet)
esnafski.245dzakic,
Svako je bar jednom poželeo da razlupa komp sa sve tastaturom i monitorom
(ko je pomenuo Win 95? ;). Ovaj tip ga je propisno udesio ;).
.mpg, 25 sec.
;))
badday.zipesnafski.246dr.grba,
-> #245, dzakic>> Svako je bar jednom poželeo da razlupa komp sa sve tastaturom i monitorom
>> (ko je pomenuo Win 95? ;). Ovaj tip ga je propisno udesio ;).
Upozorenje: ne gledati više od pedeset puta zaredom <:
esnafski.255qpele,
"Pobogu doktotore dosao sam da mi izvadite krajnike, a vi mi izvadili i
slepo crevo"
"Sta mogu, posle operacije krajnika svi su mi aplaudirali pa sam morao
nesto na bis da izvedem "
esnafski.256pifat,
REDMOND (MSNBC)--World leaders reacted with stunned silence as
Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) conducted an underground nuclear test at a
secret facility in eastern Washington state. The device, exploded at
9:22 am PDT (1622 GMT/12:22 pm EDT) today, was timed to coincide with
talks between Microsoft and the US Department of Justice over possible
antitrust action.
"Microsoft is going to defend its right to market its products by any
and all necessary means," said Microsoft CEO Bill Gates. "Not that
I'm anti-government" he continued, "but there would be few tears shed
in the computer industry if Washington were engulfed in a bath of
nuclear fire."
Scientists pegged the explosion at around 100 kilotons. "I nearly
dropped my latte when I saw the seismometer" explained University of
Washington geophysicist Dr. Whoops Blammover, "At first I thought it
was Mt. Rainier, and I was thinking, damn, there goes the mountain
bike vacation."
In Washington, President Clinton announced the US Government would
boycott all Microsoft products indefinitely. Minutes later, the
President reversed his decision. "We've tried sanctions since
lunchtime, and they don't work," said the President. Instead, the
administration will initiate a policy of "constructive engagement"
with Microsoft.
Microsoft's Chief Technology Officer Nathan Myrhvold said the test
justified Microsoft's recent acquisition of the Hanford Nuclear
Reservation from the US Government. Not only did Microsoft acquire
"kilograms of weapons grade plutonium" in the deal, said Myrhvold,
we've finally found a place to dump those millions of unsold copies
of Microsoft Bob." Myrhvold warned users not to replace Microsoft NT
products with rival operating systems. "I can neither confirm nor
the existence of a radioisotope thermoelectric generator inside of
Pentium II microprocessor," said Myrhvold, "but anyone who install
OS written by a bunch of long-hairs on the Internet is going to get what
they deserve."
The existence of an RTG in each Pentium II microprocessor would
explain why the microprocessors, made by the Intel Corporation, run
hot. The Intel chips "put out more heat than they draw in electrical
power" said Prof. E. Thymes of MIT. "This should finally dispel the
stories about cold fusion."
Rumors suggest a second weapons development project is underway in
California, headed by Microsoft rival Sun Microsystems. "They're
doing all of the development work in Java," said one source close to
the project. The development of a delivery system is said to be
holding up progress. "Write once, bomb anywhere is still a dream at
the moment."
Meanwhile, in Cupertino, California, Apple interim-CEO Steve Jobs was
rumored to be in discussion with Oracle CEO Larry Ellison about
deploying Apple's Newton technology against Microsoft. "Newton was
the biggest bomb the Valley has developed in years," said one hard
engineer. "I'd hate to be around when they drop that product a second
time."
esnafski.257kum.djole,
Išla crvenkapica putićem i vidi vuka kako čuči pored puta pa mu reche:
"Au vuče što su ti veeelike oočiiii!"
..a vuk skoči, pokupi se i pobeže niz put.
Išla crvenkapica još malo i vidi vuka kako čuči iza šumarka pa mu kazhe:
"Au vuče što su ti veelike oočiiiii!"
..a vuk skoči, opet se pokupi i zapuca niz drum.
Opet ide crvenkapica jedno petnajs minuta niz put i vidi vuka kako
čuči iza drveta.. "Auuuuu vuučee! Kako su ti samo velike očiiiii!"
...kad vuk che na toKKHHMM ;)...
"E, daj odjebi više i pusti me da se iskenjam ko čovek.."